The Baldy Headed Man from South Africa

There is a baldy headed man from South Africa
With pretty blue eyes and a pink budgerigar

To get thin he recommends a dish of lentils and rice
and a medley of expensive tidbits to make it nice

Now most South Africans think he is totally (de)mental
For anything without red meat makes them quite temperamental

But I have some pretty good advice
to make this dish delicous at half the price

By adding something perhaps Oriental but a bit more experimental
Now don't you go getting all sentimental

I'm not talking dogs or cats
or sweet and sour sugar cane rats

Something more delicate, I'm thinking head lice
with maybe just a dash of allspice

Or cockroaches flambéed in Grandpa's best brandy and a dollop of cream
Could perhaps become a connoisseur's dream

Crunchy crickets fried in lard
can so easily be found in your backyard

Freshly caught barbers baked in clay
Please don't stop me I'm getting carried away

A boomslang, a mamba, a rinkals could be dangerous
They are after all rather poisonous

But what about rain spiders or bobbejaan spinnekoppe
Gently sautéed with soetpatats and viskoppe

Handled with care
They could be good fare

What do you mean this food on queue
doesn't quite do it for you?

I'm sorry I do apologize
I didn't mean to trivialize or traumatize
nor demoralize
I was just trying to be nice,
just thought I could show you how to optimize

Okay, okay I'm on my way out
You don't have to shout

You gave me quite a turn you gave me a fright
Good-bye, nighty night

Shoo! some people are sensitive
But tell me where do YOU live?

I have some brilliant ideas
Are you ready to hear this? Are you all ears?

Copyright © Audrey Paterson 2008